What Causes A Lack of Interest in Sex?

by | Relational/Couples Counseling

Everyone has different sex drives. Most partners are able to work through differences in libido and find ways to build intimacy and have sex enough to satisfy both of them. 

But what happens if you just have a general lack of interest in sex? Maybe the idea of it doesn’t excite you, even with someone you love. Maybe you even go out of your way to try to avoid talking about it with your partner, and you get uncomfortable when they try to initiate it. 

Obviously, a healthy relationship isn’t based on sex, but that kind of physical intimacy is very important. So, what causes a lack of interest in sex, and what should you do about it? 

Lack of Connection

If you used to have a healthy sex life and actually looked forward to sex, the recent lack of interest might have something to do with the connection (or lack thereof) with your partner. 

Sex is a physical thing, but it requires an emotional connection to really be great. If you’re not feeling a strong bond with your partner lately, it could lead to your lack of interest. Maybe you have some unresolved disagreements or issues you haven’t worked through. Maybe you feel like your relationship doesn’t have the spark it once did. 

Whatever the case, take a look at how you feel about your relationship. Are you crazy about your partner? Are there things about your connection that could be keeping you from wanting to have sex with them? 

Losing Yourself

Many people adopt the idea that you and your partner become one when you’re in a relationship. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that, but it’s essential to maintain your identity and not “lose” yourself in your relationship. 

When you do lose your sense of self, you risk becoming codependent. That can lead to you focusing on your partner’s needs and wants while ignoring your own. Plus, if you start to lose yourself, you might lack passion and drive, or even become unsure of your own interests. 

Poor Communication

Communication is a key component of any successful relationship—and it has more to do with sex than you might think!

If there’s a lack of healthy communication in your relationship, you’re likely not building the intimacy you need to be interested in sex. Again, sex is more than just physical. Emotional connection is essential, and if there are any communicative barriers between you and your partner, they might get in the way of your interest. 

Maybe you communicate fairly well about most things, but you have a hard time communicating about sex. It can be an uncomfortable subject for some people. It requires you to be open and vulnerable, but when you do, it also builds trust within your relationship. 

If your partner isn’t meeting your needs sexually, because you’re not opening up about them, you’re not going to feel satisfied in the bedroom. 

Underlying Medical Issues

Don’t hesitate to talk to your doctor about your lack of interest in sex. Certain medical conditions can cause you to feel fatigued, which might make you lose your interest in sexual activities. 

However, if there are no underlying medical issues to work through, consider one of the potential causes listed above. The best thing you can do is to talk to your partner about your lack of interest and work through those challenges together. 

If you don’t want to work through those things on your own, consider talking to therapist at Valued Living Therapy who specializes in sexual health and functioning. A lack of interest in sex is nothing to be ashamed of. But, it is something you should learn more about, so you can take steps to change it. 

Valued Living Therapy

We are a dynamic, trauma-informed, multi-specialty group practice of mental health professionals offering therapy in the heart of Edina, MN and online throughout Minnesota.

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